After returning home from a five day Heathen utopia, I have a lot to unpack even after all my things are put away. When I first cautiously mentioned to my wife that there was something of a Heathen summer camp held every year, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. I perpetually have a sort of imposter syndrome when it comes to my religious practices. Do I practice enough? Do I know enough about my gods? Am I offering to enough gods? Will I say the right things during group ritual? Do I know enough of “the Lore” or the theological principles that underpin my faith? And if I’m being honest with myself, the answer to all of those questions[…]

I started this blog years ago with the intent of chronicling my spiritual journey. With a flourish, I typed up a self-important post regaling my readers (of whom there were none) the glorious history of my religious beliefs: from Catholic, to agnostic, to “Neopagan agnostic.” Towards the end I state the the following:

My specific views on a “higher power” could be called panentheistic. I view “God/Diety/the Devine” as the eternal force, rather than an anthropomorphized man-like entity, that exists behind the universe. It has both traditionally male and female characteristics. I also see every god or goddess believed in to be a human representation of some aspect of “the Devine” though my Christian roots compel me to call this eternal force “God.”

Sigh.

I now cringe at the text I wrote in 2010. I cringe, not because the beliefs are ignorant, but because it’s ignorant to attempt describing one of the most difficult aspects of one’s being using words for which you only have a cursory grasp.